I've been catching up on a lot of blog posts, because I quit my job a week and a half ago! It has truly been a blessing to have the time to do all my faves! ...simple things like spending quality time with God and friends, hosting people, learning Spanish, reading, mailing packages, cooking and baking to the max.
A friend joked that I should just bake for a living because I love it so much. My initial response of "But I love therapy more!" surprised me because I was so burnt out. Yet sometime between saying goodbye to my beloved patients and thoroughly enjoying this break, I realized that speech therapy has truly become my favorite. After months of feeling like I had no idea what to do and never-ending report-writing, at some point, I stopped acting like a speech therapist and started being one. I stopped seeing my quiet voice and chill nature as a hindrance and instead let it become my therapy style. I stopped feeling the pressure of my patients' progress as a measure of my abilities, and rather focused on developing genuine relationships with each patient and their families, which allowed for individualized treatment, and even more importantly, the opportunity to share in their joys & struggles. That is when I could truly appreciate the undeniable joys and beauty of therapy. I could not believe that these people who would otherwise be complete strangers (I even ran into one mom while visiting Google!) would let me into their lives. Because of that, faith and work have never intersected so much.
- One day, one of my kids, L, mentioned that Toby Mac (a Christian artist) was his favorite and that he listens to him on the car. He's 4. So cute. He's also one of my most difficult kids when it comes to behavior. A few weeks later, he hurt his hand and blamed me. Knowing his personality, I was NOT going to let that slide but probably should not have snapped, "L, you know I did not even touch your hand!" Then I felt really bad and the words "Do you want me to pray for your hand, L?" just came out because I remembered his Toby Mac comment. At first, he gave me attitude, "No, you DID hurt my hand, you DID....can you pray for my hand? God will heal me." It totally melted my heart, and I kinda forgot that I was at work and just prayed for him. When I talked to his mom in the waiting room, I asked if their family was Christian and explained what happened. A few months later, when I gave notice of my leave, L's mom sent me an email which ended: "All the best as the Lord leads you through this next chapter. It was encouraging to find out you are a sister in Christ." I couldn't believe the words I was reading in my WORK EMAIL. At L's last session, she offered to support me in future missions trips. So amazing!
- Another kid, A, was a 3-year-old girl who I attempted to do therapy in Mandarin with. Originally, when she was evaluated by another clinician, her mom absolutely refused to enter the therapy room. When she was switched to my schedule, I tried convincing the mom to participate in the sessions and discussing with her in Mandarin really seemed to help. Over a few months, A's mom seemed so different and had developed that buy-in to therapy. The day that I shared about leaving the clinic, she told me that she was getting baptized that coming Sunday and was so nervous but hoped to grow in faith. I pretty much yelled "Congratulations!!!" forgetting how thin the walls were. She expressed that she could see God in me, which was soo encouraging! I have always wanted to live a consistent life, wherever, with whomever, doing whatever, but it is not easy!
There are sooo many other favorite moments because all my kids (and adults!) were awesomely hilarious and adorbs in their own ways.
-For example, 5-year-old Y dreaded coming to speech. One day, I noticed that praises like "good job!" and "that's right!" just were not doin it for him, so naturally, I introduced a fist bump. It made a WORLD of difference, his whole face would light up every time (even at the prospect of a fist bump) and he would get so excited that he was learning! In our last session, I told him "Y, I'm so proud of you. You have learned so much!! I'm going to miss working with you, but you have to keep working hard, ok?" and started getting teary.
-D was one of my favorites for sure. When I first met him, he had such low confidence in his language that everything he said sounded like a question, even if he was stating a fact: I'm in 4th grade? I like to skateboard? It broke my heart, because he had soo much to express and would start to, and then have difficulty finding a word, and default to "uh..uh..never mind." Over several months, he seemed like a completely different person...he would create endless, complex stories!! My favorite quote of his was when he was describing the Game of Life: "I don't want to get married in that game, because I want to enjoy my life."
-An adult stuttering client came from Santa Cruz for weekly 30 minute sessions. His commute was longer than the session itself. One day when he arrived late due to traffic, I said, "Wow, you drive all the way from Santa Cruz and go back right after?! So committed!!" to which he responded very seriously, "I am committed to this." I almost cried seeing how motivated he was.
- One of my absoluute favorites, C, was the freakin cutest 5-year-old girl who came for language and feeding therapy. I told her mom that feeding therapy was NOT my area of expertise (aka I have never done it in my life) and recommended my coworker, but because we had already developed a strong relationship through language therapy, she ended up being my first (and best!) feeding client. She really was the model feeding client. Her mom reported that she only ate peanut butter sandwiches, chicken nuggets, goldfish, and strawberries. But each week, her mom packed something she would never touch, and by 30 minutes later, she had eaten it. There was not a challenge she did not step up to. She would always walk in saying "We're having a picnic today, Miss Tiffany!" and made sure to share everything she had with me.
The best thing was celebrating all the little (and sometimes HUGE) victories along the way in each of their developments. Upon reflecting on the past year, I really, really miss my patients and am floored by how God was working in each relationship. So amazed by how God may be glorified through the way He has created me and the work He has called me to. I recently re-read my grad school personal statement for a reminder/to avoid becoming jaded and was so humbled by the last line because it really is by grace that we are a part of healing, hope, and transformation of an eternal weight:
I am positive that when I look back in a few years, I will again realize how my education, cultural and family background, life experiences, personality, interests and passions, have all tied together and led me to live out my calling: to make a difference by being an instrument of healing to individual people, inspiring hope and creating opportunities for transformation.
A friend joked that I should just bake for a living because I love it so much. My initial response of "But I love therapy more!" surprised me because I was so burnt out. Yet sometime between saying goodbye to my beloved patients and thoroughly enjoying this break, I realized that speech therapy has truly become my favorite. After months of feeling like I had no idea what to do and never-ending report-writing, at some point, I stopped acting like a speech therapist and started being one. I stopped seeing my quiet voice and chill nature as a hindrance and instead let it become my therapy style. I stopped feeling the pressure of my patients' progress as a measure of my abilities, and rather focused on developing genuine relationships with each patient and their families, which allowed for individualized treatment, and even more importantly, the opportunity to share in their joys & struggles. That is when I could truly appreciate the undeniable joys and beauty of therapy. I could not believe that these people who would otherwise be complete strangers (I even ran into one mom while visiting Google!) would let me into their lives. Because of that, faith and work have never intersected so much.
- One day, one of my kids, L, mentioned that Toby Mac (a Christian artist) was his favorite and that he listens to him on the car. He's 4. So cute. He's also one of my most difficult kids when it comes to behavior. A few weeks later, he hurt his hand and blamed me. Knowing his personality, I was NOT going to let that slide but probably should not have snapped, "L, you know I did not even touch your hand!" Then I felt really bad and the words "Do you want me to pray for your hand, L?" just came out because I remembered his Toby Mac comment. At first, he gave me attitude, "No, you DID hurt my hand, you DID....can you pray for my hand? God will heal me." It totally melted my heart, and I kinda forgot that I was at work and just prayed for him. When I talked to his mom in the waiting room, I asked if their family was Christian and explained what happened. A few months later, when I gave notice of my leave, L's mom sent me an email which ended: "All the best as the Lord leads you through this next chapter. It was encouraging to find out you are a sister in Christ." I couldn't believe the words I was reading in my WORK EMAIL. At L's last session, she offered to support me in future missions trips. So amazing!
- Another kid, A, was a 3-year-old girl who I attempted to do therapy in Mandarin with. Originally, when she was evaluated by another clinician, her mom absolutely refused to enter the therapy room. When she was switched to my schedule, I tried convincing the mom to participate in the sessions and discussing with her in Mandarin really seemed to help. Over a few months, A's mom seemed so different and had developed that buy-in to therapy. The day that I shared about leaving the clinic, she told me that she was getting baptized that coming Sunday and was so nervous but hoped to grow in faith. I pretty much yelled "Congratulations!!!" forgetting how thin the walls were. She expressed that she could see God in me, which was soo encouraging! I have always wanted to live a consistent life, wherever, with whomever, doing whatever, but it is not easy!
There are sooo many other favorite moments because all my kids (and adults!) were awesomely hilarious and adorbs in their own ways.
-For example, 5-year-old Y dreaded coming to speech. One day, I noticed that praises like "good job!" and "that's right!" just were not doin it for him, so naturally, I introduced a fist bump. It made a WORLD of difference, his whole face would light up every time (even at the prospect of a fist bump) and he would get so excited that he was learning! In our last session, I told him "Y, I'm so proud of you. You have learned so much!! I'm going to miss working with you, but you have to keep working hard, ok?" and started getting teary.
-D was one of my favorites for sure. When I first met him, he had such low confidence in his language that everything he said sounded like a question, even if he was stating a fact: I'm in 4th grade? I like to skateboard? It broke my heart, because he had soo much to express and would start to, and then have difficulty finding a word, and default to "uh..uh..never mind." Over several months, he seemed like a completely different person...he would create endless, complex stories!! My favorite quote of his was when he was describing the Game of Life: "I don't want to get married in that game, because I want to enjoy my life."
-An adult stuttering client came from Santa Cruz for weekly 30 minute sessions. His commute was longer than the session itself. One day when he arrived late due to traffic, I said, "Wow, you drive all the way from Santa Cruz and go back right after?! So committed!!" to which he responded very seriously, "I am committed to this." I almost cried seeing how motivated he was.
- One of my absoluute favorites, C, was the freakin cutest 5-year-old girl who came for language and feeding therapy. I told her mom that feeding therapy was NOT my area of expertise (aka I have never done it in my life) and recommended my coworker, but because we had already developed a strong relationship through language therapy, she ended up being my first (and best!) feeding client. She really was the model feeding client. Her mom reported that she only ate peanut butter sandwiches, chicken nuggets, goldfish, and strawberries. But each week, her mom packed something she would never touch, and by 30 minutes later, she had eaten it. There was not a challenge she did not step up to. She would always walk in saying "We're having a picnic today, Miss Tiffany!" and made sure to share everything she had with me.
The best thing was celebrating all the little (and sometimes HUGE) victories along the way in each of their developments. Upon reflecting on the past year, I really, really miss my patients and am floored by how God was working in each relationship. So amazed by how God may be glorified through the way He has created me and the work He has called me to. I recently re-read my grad school personal statement for a reminder/to avoid becoming jaded and was so humbled by the last line because it really is by grace that we are a part of healing, hope, and transformation of an eternal weight:
I am positive that when I look back in a few years, I will again realize how my education, cultural and family background, life experiences, personality, interests and passions, have all tied together and led me to live out my calling: to make a difference by being an instrument of healing to individual people, inspiring hope and creating opportunities for transformation.
